“God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve”
This was on my facebook, after a friend posted a status about homosexuality. It has already received several likes. Perhaps, God did not create “Adam and Steve” as the first two humans, but every single person—Adam, Steve, Eve, Mary, John… etc.—was made in His care. I wanted to tell them: That is stated in the same book you invest your soul in. Its depressing how some Christians prefer to deter others by dwelling on a few lines instead of collectively understand His message: to love.
The world will be a better place …
Only looking at the situation in one perspective will skew mentality. You fail to ask yourself “How would the world be worse if I wasn’t around?” Will your parents rejoice because they rid themselves of their “disappointment” or will they perpetually wish you to return to fill in that spot you once sat? Will the potential patients you help (in the future) be contorted down the wrong path now that their assistance never existed? How about the friend that secretly hopes you bug them because they want to talk to you? Ask yourself these questions and see if you truly want to end it all.
Personally, I can empathize with you on the guilt of being a source of a financial burden. My parents and my sister readily invest in me, and while they joking say to me that I’ll repay them back in the future, the stress is sometimes overwhelming. I don’t know if I will make it; the thought of failing them and wasting their support and the embodiment of their hard work (money) is revolting, but what little hope I have I try to keep alive.
And my thought on suicide? I’ve had thoughts, but my resolve is that I’ll never do it. There are many people without the chance of staying alive. Why would you mock them with your own life? I would use that gift to replace their untimely death with the impact they could have had; basically if you don’t want to live for yourself, live for those that cannot, and you’ll feel genuinely blessed.
This might be an unpopular opinion.
I think the phrase “born gay” is too concrete. To me, it connotes something permanent and static, while I believe sexual attraction is something you develop, like secondary sexual differentiation (in comparison to sexual determination). I think I feel this way because I cannot fathom a child with a libido (I find Freud’s theories amusing but not realistic). However, in no way am I am making the “it’s a choice” argument. In my experience, I never had a choice. I turned out to be homosexual, and honestly, I would have chosen the easier path if I had one. Perhaps, I am making the Nature v. Nurture argument. Being branded “born gay” implies that homosexuality is highly genetic, and that seems far from realism to me. If that was true, then Mendelian genetics would have taken effect: straight couples will generally have straight children. But genetics (and gene expression via central dogma) is a tricky subject. The most minuscule particles can have potent effects, and the lack of such micro-objects can lead to others. Personally, I think the “gay gene” might exists but having it does not mean 100% penetrance (passing down), or 100% expressivity (being gay). Having it might just cause an inclination to a certain gender/sex, or having it might even be neutral in determination. It’s all just chance to me—Chance or divine fate—for I do not believe in certainty; I believe in having an open mind.
What’s your take? I like a good talk.
Apparently, I’ve been told I was a tease. Apparently, I could get girls if I wanted to. Apparently, I’ve broken hearts. It has always been strange to me. My friends would pick up subtleties of a “ladies’ man” when I thought I was just being nice. And even when I knew the flirters were obviously throwing hints at me liberally like college flyers, I didn’t have the heart to tell them I wasn’t interested. I liked where we were so, I believed that if I continued, nothing would change. Maybe this is why I am a flirt—because I can’t turn people down. If someone flirted with me, I might as well humor them and return the favor. I guess this might be cruel, and ironic since my inability to be direct still harmed them. I just want to be out so that I don’t have to deal with this. I’m sorry, I can’t reciprocate your feelings. I’m sorry for friend zoning you, but this really can’t go anywhere. I would probably hurt you even more when I do come out and you’re trying to hold hands. That’s why I never dated. I do not want to hurt anyone due to my sexuality anymore than it’s hurting me.
My mother acts differently on the phone to me than in real life. She’s more patient and caring connected through Sprint and more crude and direct in person. Perhaps it’s because the absence of me has worn down the tough exterior of implicit love and without the tangible evidence of myself, she finds herself to be missing the self centered and rebellious little boy she once taught and catered to. She is one large reason I continue to hide myself. I cannot come to terms to hurt her. Our relationship is entirely strange. It must be the proverbial “mama’s boy” syndrome because my dad is not like this. I am pretty sure my mom will accept me, but I am also pretty sure it’s going to take time to gain acceptance.
I don’t want to accept myself, but the truth is, I have to. If I don’t, my empire will collapse; everything I have built would have been founded on a bed of sand. If I do, the ground will be impenetrable to bigots’ tremors of hatred. It’s very hard to cement that cornerstone… but construction will always present as long as I continue to grow.
Hanging out with the guys is definitely fun. But the conversation always leads to “would you rather do chick A or chick B?” and topic of every single genitalia must mentioned or mulled over from tits to balls: “What if they were so big she couldn’t see where she was going?” Obviously I’m not very passionate or experienced in this field so I awkwardly laugh and pick the lessers of two vaginas. I just feel like I lose the crowd when it gets to this. Do gays even do this? Would I be more engaged if the options were more attractive to me?
I play this game with myself when walking to class: count all the attractive guys walking by. In a matter of 10 minutes, I usually hit around 10.
I feel so terribly horny at this university.